Dear readers,
It’s been about a whole month since my last post on Guatemala. And since then, there seemed to have been many ups and downs, and sometimes, things that went a little sideways, that seemed to come my way. Yet…in the midst of it all, God’s love is steadfast.
My team and I, had about 1 1/2 weeks there, where we had received more training before heading into Romania. We had received the news as a squad that the whole squad would be in what’s called an “All Squad” month with our ministry host, which everyone was excited about. All squad month meant that all the sub-teams we’d originally been split into while in Guatemala, would be serving together under one ministry host.
Romania is considered to be a country within the 10/40 window (note: 10/40 refers to the latitude degrees above the equator in which countries that reside within that region, have the least access/exposure to the Gospel).
Our training was focused primarily on spiritual warfare and being aware and preparing well for it when we arrived in Craiova, Romania. We also received training in cultural awareness, evangelism and intercession for the other remaining countries that are on our route; Turkey, Albania, Jordan, Thailand.
A few days after our training on spiritual warfare, we received info for our flights to Romania as a team. However, I was later informed the 2 nights prior to our scheduled flight, that there was a hiccup with my ticket, and that I would be flying separate from the rest of the group to the United States, then reconvening with the team there to head out to Romania. Just briefly, a feeling of nervousness started to well up in me. But I realized that this was a blessing in disguise. I’d wanted to spend some time with the Lord in His word, so being alone would give me that space.
So as I left about 5 hours ahead of the team to the airport, things slowly began to change. And instead of joining up with the team in the US, I then had to fly out separately to Romania. Praise God, I had the opportunity to make the journey with Raquel, one of my squad leaders. We did arrive in Romania a few hours after everyone, but we made it safe and sound. Along the journey, I pondered briefly with God…”why?”. I didn’t get an answer, but a new perspective on taking detours. Though some things may not make sense in the moment, they’re always meant to prepare us for something further down the road. In this case, that preparation was really for the moment I had to travel back home to be with my family for the passing of my father.
To fill in the blanks, the whole month of ministry in Romania was such a joy to be a part of. Ministry often looked like splitting up and putting together packets, evangelizing in the streets while handing out those packets, English lessons, hard topics, youth game nights, prayer walks around the university campus and relationship building with the youth of the city. However, that being said, it was not an easy month for me, the first couple weeks of ministry. I just couldn’t get good rest, and was feeling drained frequently. I frequently felt inadequate and struggled to see what my worth and purpose was while there. I got really homesick and missed my family back home. Everything hit kind of hard. But I was then reminded to take inventory of all these feelings and be honest with myself. I was reminded about the spiritual battles that are real and occurring daily, that by bringing my troubles to the light before God and my teammates, the enemy had no foothold to continue slinging attacks at me. I was reminded to re-evaluate what the cost is when I decided to pick up my cross to follow Christ. For me, one of the cost was letting go of the comfort in family and friends back home, and allowing the unfamiliarity and unknown to push me towards dependency on the Lord. The Lord was so good to me in reminding me that He is the God who Comforts (2 Corinthians 1:3-5, 9)
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too…Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.
As the weeks went by, and I finally learned how to lean into the Lord, another arrow was slung my way. I received messages from my siblings back home that my dad had been brought into the ER. It was pneumonia again. After ministry, I was able to call home for updates. At the time that I had called home, my brother was at the hospital with my father, and the nurses had just started waking my dad from his induced coma state. My brother had mentioned that my dad’s body was wanting to wake up on it’s own by fighting against the respiratory monitor that he was hooked up to. He was awake enough to hear and nod/shake his head in response as I was on facetime with him. So I was able to say a few words of encouragement to him, with nods from him as a response. I left that phone call feeling encouraged, seeing that he was waking up and responsive…Yet at the very back of my mind, and in the deepest parts of my heart, I had this sorrow that was unexplainable.
I woke up the next morning to Deuteronomy 31:6 as my Bible Verse of the day as a notification on my phone.
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
I joined in on ministry for the morning after reading that verse and thinking to myself, “The Lord is with me, I need not be afraid or worried, for He goes with me and will not forsake me just as He didn’t forsake Israel.” After ministry, I decided to return to the house for lunch and stopped by the store for some snacks and ingredients. As I was in the store, my mind had wandered to updates about my dad and his journey of healing from 2019. As I went up to the cash register, I had received a kind word of encouragement from the cashier out of the blue, which I can only attribute to the Lord’s comfort before I received the news. As soon as I stepped foot outside, I received a message from my sister about my father’s passing. The rest of the day felt like time had slowed as I rested in the grief and sorrow amongst friends and teammates who showered the love of God over me through prayers, their presence and just reading scripture over me when I couldn’t bring myself to read it. The Lord truly comforted me with his words, the prayers from squadmates, and the presence of godfearing friends (living in community) who could point me back to God in my grief.
The Lord made a way for me to go home and return to the field as that was one of my concerns initially. My flight back to the field was something that I would have to cover out of pocket, but I was informed on the day I had taken off from Romania, that Anonymous donors had generously gifted and donated funds to help me fly back out to the field afterwards. I was at a loss for words as I received that gift and could do nothing except praise God for his Sovereignty and provisions.
As I traveled back home to attend my father’s memorial service, I couldn’t help but remember how I had been separated from my teammates during the travel from Guatemala into Albania. Yet again, I was being separated and flying solo this time. As I recalled that memory of being in Guatemala airport, the Lord revealed to me that he had been preparing me for this very moment of traveling back home. As I remembered that, I was reminded of God’s steadfast love written of in Psalms 36. Though I didn’t understand why the separation in Guatemala airport, I can see now that the Lord was present through it all and prepared me.
The season was a difficult one. It was one that I didn’t truly know how I was going to go through without the love of God surrounding me. I can say that the Lord has continued to carry me through the grieving process and continues to give me a joy & peace that comes only from Him (Psalms 30 & Phil. 4:7)
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy. Psalms 30
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
I want to encourage you that grief looks differently for everyone, and it’s okay to sit in the grief for a time. However, welcome the Lord into that grieving, because He can handle the questions, the sorrow, the anger. All of it. Know that God loves you and will never forsake you just as He did not forsake the Israelites in Egypt. No matter how disobedient the Israelites were, the Lord still loved them enough to make a way for them & anyone who believed, through the blood of Jesus Christ.
